Caught in a Loop
by GloryahBorgah
Summary: Castiel, a once pure angel, fell to earth because of Dean and he - he should've been happy about that, right? Except that he doesn't. And Dean is scared. For once in his life as a demon, Dean is scared as fuck because maybe, maybe he knows exactly what is happening to him.


It used to be a game of waiting. Waiting and waiting and _waiting_ for an angel to fall down to earth. It used to be that simple.

It takes time, _a hell lot of time_ to convince Castiel to fall from heaven.

But when it happens? It happens really _fast_.

To convince Castiel to fall is a long journey, would almost impossible if it wasn't done by Dean. _Yes_. Dean, a demon, was given one seemingly _simple_ task by the 'high' demons below. The task to get close to a particular angel, be-friend him or something, and slowly convince him to fall.

Walking down that road, Dean knew it was a suicidal mission. No matter how it'll turn out, it'll still end badly and Dean knows this since the very first time he saw just how _pure_ that angel is. He'd either get killed _before_ he accomplished his mission, or _after_ that.

(But he didn't care. Or at least he knew he didn't.)

Dean wasn't even sure what was he waiting for. Was it for getting killed? Was it for the time when Castiel would fall?

What he is sure about, is that he was only and _innocently_ waiting for Castiel to just come down from heaven, just like he always does for about years now. But then instead of coming down, Castiel _fell_ and —

The next thing Dean knows? He was transported to some kind of room, thrown across it and pinned against the wall by an angel — no. A fallen angel.

And he thought that, _yes. This is finally it. I knew it._

Dean wasn't expecting a fallen angel claiming his mouth in a kiss, hands ripping his clothes to pieces and exploring every inch of his human body like there's no tomorrow.

[Did he thought too low of himself that he was expecting to be killed?

Maybe. Maybe because he was so low in the first place and what he did was even lower]

Hell was expecting Castiel to fall, but he falls even deeper than anyone would've thought.

And really, between the very, _very_ heated kiss, he should've feel honored that an angel, once so pure like Castiel, would throw everything out of the window and fell because of someone like Dean. The lowest of the low.

He should've been happy. _Joyed_ by this. Because he has won, hell has won this time and he should've been celebrating this.

 _(Except that he doesn't.)_

The kiss was rough. It was rougher than rough and there was teeth clinking and blood involved. There was nothing romantic about it. In fact, it was lust lust and _lust_. As he's still pinned on the wall, the way a very hot tongue like the heat of a thousand suns is now down his cold, cold throat and —

Everything felt so _right_ yet _so wrong_ at the same time. The fact that he is feeling something other than utter joy right now —

Dean doesn't feel happy about any of this and the realization of it scares the living hell out of him.

(Castiel has fallen. He is falling deep and deeper down below and Dean could feel himself falling even deeper.)

Every single touch this angel — fallen now, is doing to his body feels clearly like power. Yeah. Maybe, seeing that absolutely nothing about this whole thing feels soft and smooth and — Dean is hurting. He is hurting real bad. His whole demonic form is hurting from Castiel's still devine powers.

But on top of all this things happening to him right now, there is one thing that he should be worrying about more than others. One.

The fact that the pain he is currently experiencing is not actually because a celestial presence is _killing_ him, but the fact that it's doing the exact opposite.

By Castiel's grace, angel or not, Dean's demonic being is slowly getting purified. It hurts just because he is losing parts of him that makes him a demon. He is slowly losing the taint in his being.

(Dean's presence is tainting Castiel's, and the same thing is happening to him because of the fallen's presence)

Dean's fear is growing by the second. He wants to flee — leaving Castiel alone and off to a place where he couldn't be found and hopefully, do something to restore the taint of his being. He wants to. _He has to._

But then, a great part of him, getting purified or not, still want this.

He doesn't want the lust. But he wants something that could probably come out of this whole fucked up mess.

(for the first time in hundreds of years of his existence, Dean could feel love.

 _And he wants it so bad_ )

Tainting and purifying — it's like getting caught in a loop with no chance of getting out.


End file.
